When we find ourselves in the middle of an argument, do we really care to know why we're actually arguing; or is being right while looking absolutely stupid more important? Have you ever been in a really heated argument; and in the midst of finally making your point, your opponent shifts the point of topic to outer Mongolia (meaning left field)? This is the moment when things typically get the ugliest; and mostly because they have now forced you to forget your actual point altogether, so all you have left are silly insults and pointless character jabs. Married couples, mothers and daughters, and also old childhood friends do these arguments the best! I have watched a husband and wife engage in a conversation about what to have for dinner, turn into a hot like fire verbal battle; which ended in pointing fingers, at who farts the most in their sleep. Meanwhile, the guest were left starving because dinner was never served. I have also watched, witnessed as well as participated in vernacular wars that started with simple questions like, "Why did you ask me to lie to Dad?" quickly leap to, "I should have never had children!" or "Why are you worried about him? I'm the one with stretch marks"! And, let's not forget about the nights out with friends; when a simple joke (or gag) made (or done) in the spirit of good fun, maliciously turns into an ugly trip down memory lane. Usually, some ancient secret is unearthed that will hurt another member of the group; or it turns into a familiar competition called, " Who's the better friend"? We've all seen it, been through it, and know how stupid it is! Yet, for some odd reason we all still allow ourselves to be caught up in the middle of it; left to make excuses for our embarrassing behavior on the back end. So, in this blog post I'm daring to take on this loaded topic; and challenging you to take it on with me!
What most people don't realize, is that typically an arguments true origin isn't where we place the blame for it. An argument starts long before even one word is spoken; that's why you can rattle the angry words off so quickly, because you've been thinking about them for God only knows how long already. Great debaters like myself are the worst people to engage in this activity with; because all we ARE are words from jump, which usually makes people really want to cursed us down to the floor- for real! So, let's dismantle a few argument blueprints; and see if this could lead us to a place of resolution? And if not, maybe we could squeeze at least a good nights sleep out of it. Type 1: The "I had a Bad Day and Everybody better leave me Alone!" argument. In this argument, the individual does not want to be left alone. They are desperately looking for anyone to stumble on their personal tripwire; enabling them to catapult into an inglorious rant, to relieve whatever pressure they have been experiencing the better part of the day. You'll most easily find these individuals during happy hour at any local or neighborhood bar. Type 2: The "I'm Fine; I just don't want to talk about it!" argument. They most certainly do want to talk about it! They just know they can't. So, they play victim to reel you in with your empathy; and then- BOOM! All of a sudden, you've become devil incarnate! How dare you make them think about things they just want to forget?! You need to learn how to mind your business! LMAO!!! I Love these Peoples!! No integrity having so and so's! Type 3: The "Look What You Made Me Do!?" argument. This argument requires very skilled vernacular and proficiency in tactical manipulation. The point of this argument is to displace everything this individual has done; and successfully make their counterpart responsible for their own actions. To be successful in this type of argument you most be equally victim/villain and be predator/ prey simultaneously. This skill requires dedication as well as a great amount of time to perfect; but once perfected, they're usually impossible to penetrate or easily detect. These people make excellent politicians.
Well, now that we've unveiled a few of the typical argument types let's get down to the meat & potatoes of it all. The truth is, we never really have to argue at all! An argument is truly nothing more than showing great resistance to dealing with our actual feelings about our lives. It's our way of simply saying, "Hey! I'm Just Not Listening! But Listen to ME"! When you argue or create conflicts it's normally a diversionary tactic to avoid being honest with yourself (as well as others) about your true feelings. A great example of this is Road Rage. Most road rage scenarios play out during the morning commutes to work, or the after work rush hours; when gridlock traffic begins to make people feel trapped or even claustrophobic at times. We see people all the time flipping off the bird, yelling obscenities to complete strangers, or even commence in hostile driving maneuvers; trying to make a point that in the end proves to be pointless. The truth is most of these cases of road rage actually began before these agitated motorists stepped one foot in their vehicles. Pissed about their families, job situations, relationships, or even just general unhappiness (about the directions their lives are headed in); these people decided to take their frustrations out on society at large. "I'm fed up with everything! I'm not trying to stomach ONE more thing! And, the next person to piss me off will feel my WRATH"! Next thing you know, a major accident occurs; and guess what, it's NOBODIES fault! Meanwhile, all of this could have been easily avoided if any of these individuals had just been honest with themselves. See, when we hide from our authentic selves in upset we don't ever have to face the truth- about anything! Instead, we sit around wondering why we feel so alienated from ourselves as well as other; and then blame it on everything else, except for the obvious truth. Inauthenticity leads to lack of Integrity; which in turn leads to deception that creates lies, and ultimately leaves us feeling utterly overwhelmed and ALONE. So, in close I offer you this perception as an alternative. People that listen don't argue, and people that argue don't listen. It's that simple! Next time you find yourself in an argument I'd like for you to apply this method; and see if the results are favorable for you. In the midst of the heated debate choose to give up your stance on being right. Just listen to your opponent, acknowledge that you hear them, and then let them know though you may have a different opinion you care about their general happiness more. Now if you don't care, simply say that and save the heartattack for an appropriate occurence. "A Fool and a Wiseman got into an argue. Who's the real fool"? I pray this blog aids you in procuring more peaceful days, restful nights, and overall workability in all your lives. There's a song that said it better than I ever could. Don't Worry, Be Happy! -Bobby McFerrin
#beblessednotstressed
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