I'm Just Not Listening!!!!

When we find ourselves in the middle of an argument, do we really care to know why we're actually arguing; or is being right while looking absolutely stupid more important? Have you ever been in a really heated argument; and in the midst of finally making your point, your opponent shifts the point of topic to outer Mongolia (meaning left field)? This is the moment when things typically get the ugliest; and mostly because they have now forced you to forget your actual point altogether, so all you have left are silly insults and pointless character jabs. Married couples, mothers and daughters, and also old childhood friends do these arguments the best! I have watched a husband and wife engage in a conversation about what to have for dinner, turn into a hot like fire verbal battle; which ended in pointing fingers, at who farts the most in their sleep. Meanwhile, the guest were left starving because dinner was never served. I have also watched, witnessed as well as participated in vernacular wars that started with simple questions like, "Why did you ask me to lie to Dad?" quickly leap to, "I should have never had children!" or "Why are you worried about him? I'm the one with stretch marks"! And, let's not forget about the nights out with friends; when a simple joke (or gag) made (or done) in the spirit of good  fun, maliciously turns into an ugly trip down memory lane. Usually, some ancient secret is unearthed that will hurt another member of the group; or it turns into a familiar competition called, " Who's the better friend"? We've all seen it, been through it, and know how stupid it is! Yet, for some odd reason we all still allow ourselves to be caught up in the middle of it; left to make excuses for our embarrassing behavior on the back end. So, in this blog post I'm daring to take on this loaded topic; and challenging you to take it on with me!

What most people don't realize, is that typically an arguments true origin isn't where we place the blame for it. An argument starts long before even one word is spoken; that's why you can rattle the angry words off so quickly, because you've been thinking about them for God only knows how long already. Great debaters like myself are the worst people to engage in this activity with; because all we ARE are words from jump, which usually makes people really want to cursed us down to the floor- for real! So, let's dismantle a few argument blueprints; and see if this could lead us to a place of resolution? And if not, maybe we could squeeze at least a good nights sleep out of it. Type 1: The "I had a Bad Day and Everybody better leave me Alone!" argument. In this argument, the individual does not want to be left alone. They are desperately looking for anyone to stumble on their personal tripwire; enabling them to catapult into an inglorious rant, to relieve whatever pressure they have been experiencing the better part of the day. You'll most easily find these individuals during happy hour at any local or neighborhood bar. Type 2: The "I'm Fine; I just don't want to talk about it!" argument. They most certainly do want to talk about it! They just know they can't. So, they play victim to reel you in with your empathy; and then- BOOM! All of a sudden, you've become devil incarnate! How dare you make them think about things they just want to forget?! You need to learn how to mind your business! LMAO!!! I Love these Peoples!! No integrity having so and so's! Type 3: The "Look What You Made Me Do!?" argument. This argument requires very skilled vernacular and proficiency in tactical manipulation. The point of this argument is to displace everything this individual has done; and successfully make their counterpart responsible for their own actions. To be successful in this type of argument you most be equally victim/villain and be predator/ prey simultaneously. This skill requires dedication as well as a great amount of time to perfect; but once perfected, they're usually impossible to penetrate or easily detect. These people make excellent politicians.  

Well, now that we've unveiled a few of the typical argument types let's get down to the meat & potatoes of it all. The truth is, we never really have to argue at all! An argument is truly nothing more than showing great resistance to dealing with our actual feelings about our lives. It's our way of simply saying, "Hey! I'm Just Not Listening! But Listen to ME"! When you argue or create conflicts it's normally a diversionary tactic to avoid being honest with yourself (as well as others) about your true feelings. A great example of this is Road Rage. Most road rage scenarios play out during the morning commutes to work, or the after work rush hours; when gridlock traffic begins to make people feel trapped or even claustrophobic at times. We see people all the time flipping off the bird, yelling obscenities to complete strangers, or even commence in hostile driving maneuvers; trying to make a point that in the end proves to be pointless. The truth is most of these cases of road rage actually began before these agitated motorists stepped one foot in their vehicles. Pissed about their families, job situations, relationships, or even just general unhappiness (about the directions their lives are headed in); these people decided to take their frustrations out on society at large. "I'm fed up with everything! I'm not trying to stomach ONE more thing! And, the next person to piss me off will feel my WRATH"! Next thing you know, a major accident occurs; and guess what, it's NOBODIES fault! Meanwhile, all of this could have been easily avoided if any of these individuals had just been honest with themselves. See, when we hide from our authentic selves in upset we don't ever have to face the truth- about anything! Instead, we sit around wondering why we feel so alienated from ourselves as well as other; and then blame it on everything else, except for the obvious truth. Inauthenticity leads to lack of Integrity; which in turn leads to deception that creates lies, and ultimately leaves us feeling utterly overwhelmed and ALONE. So, in close I offer you this perception as an alternative. People that listen don't argue, and people that argue don't listen. It's that simple! Next time you find yourself in an argument I'd like for you to apply this method; and see if the results are favorable for you. In the midst of the heated debate choose to give up your stance on being right. Just listen to your opponent, acknowledge that you hear them, and then let them know though you may have a different opinion you care about their general happiness more. Now if you don't care, simply say that and save the heartattack for an appropriate occurence. "A Fool and a Wiseman got into an argue. Who's the real fool"? I pray this blog aids you in procuring more peaceful days, restful nights, and overall workability in all your lives. There's a song that said it better than I ever could. Don't Worry, Be Happy! -Bobby McFerrin

#beblessednotstressed    

Ms.Olivia Pope or HO-Livia

I've always been a big cable TV watcher ever since I was a little girl; which for those who truly know me certainly comes as no surprise. Who really likes censored TV anyway? Give me true grit over semi glossed reality any day! But, every now and then a network TV show comes along that hits home for me; and "Scandal" featuring the ever so everything Kerry Washington just happens to be one of them. The simple fact that a black woman can have such a high profile character on a prime time network TV show is awesome in its self. Then, throw in this character being simply gorgeous, while sleeping with the president (fictional or not), on top of said female being the smartest character on the show; proves though as African Americans we still have a ways to go, on the equality front lines some progress has been made. The last Black woman we all loved and admired on network TV was "Claire Huxtable". As a respected wife, mother, brilliant legal mind, and all around gorgeous sister; Claire had little black girls everywhere shooting for the stars, hoping to be lucky enough to clutch just a taste of her imaginary life- for real. Fast forward 20 years! Now, not only can a sister have her cake; but she can eat it too- ON TV! Shonda had her finger on the pulse of society real good to foresee the nationwide acceptance this "Scandal" could possibly achieve. For someone in Shondas' position to take a chance this big in her seamlessly flawless TV career- Huge Risk. Usually Black TV writers don't try to push past the normal stereotypes set in place for African-Americans in this medium of entertainment. Keeping their jobs as safe and secure as possible is ordinarily priority one. So, from now on when they talk about big risks equaling huge rewards in the future of TV; all they'll have to say is, "Let's pull a Shonda". Considering the huge success of this program, these characters on "Scandal" will shortly be etched into TV history. Bravo Ms. Rhimes! Job very well done.

Olivia Pope is every woman's fantasy and nightmare equally. This character's power of persuasion is comparable to a witch's magic wand; except Olivia's wand is a cell phone, that she wields like a gladiator with a sword. The fantasy is we all secretly at times want to be her; and the nightmare is we all pray never to come up against her. Even when Olivia Pope is indecisive about what she really wants, somehow she seems to get exactly what she wanted anyway. I don't know One woman who wouldn't want to possess these qualities for herself; regardless if she admits to it or not. So, when I happen upon open discussions about Ms. Pope's character I can't wait to hear what people are going to say. Of course, the most interesting debates are about her on again off again affair with the married President Fitzgerald Grant; which personally I think is one of the best interracial relationships ever displayed on TV. Season 2 Liv &Fitz in the media closet with Stevie Wonder singing, "I Don't Know Why I Love You" in the back drop?! Are you kidding me!! #2FNHOT!! I listen to these women go back and forth, either fighting for Olivia's respect or trying to damn her to hell; and at times this is nearly as entertaining as watching the show. Some of my favorite arguments are about it all being Mellie's fault, or what a coward Fitz is for not leaving an unhappy marriage to be with the love of his life. Well, to listen to the menfolk discuss this topic is even more comical! Mostly all the men I know (that watch the show of course) agree on the fact that Olivia is a HO, and also agree that Fitz would be stupid to not engage in the affair; this is normally when the conversation turns completely misogynistic, forcing me to leave the vicinity promptly. Now, I rarely ever hear anyone side with Mellie; given we all hate her to death for being a soulless political animal. On a few occasions I've heard a misguided soul or two waving a justice for Mellie flag; which prompted me to simply say a quick prayer for their marriage, since it was obvious their husband was a cheating bastard...lol!! All and all its obvious that America Loves a Good "Scandal"; and if you don't believe me, just check the ratings baby- Huge Audience. 

Personally I don't care whether Ms. Pope is a Slut or a Saint. What I do care about is this character has become a gladiator for Black women on TV; giving us the ability to open doors that were previously closed. Can a Black woman successfully lead a cast in a prime time network television show? We can now say yes to that. Can a Black woman as a leading lady maintain high national viewership as well as approval; while carrying on a believable affair with a White man- on TV? Or, with a married White man- on TV? Or, a married White man still married to a White woman? Better yet, a married White man who's President of the United States?! We can now emphatically say yes to all these questions. Bravo ladies, awesome work! Before Olivia Pope the answer to these questions would've either been a flat out "No" or just completely gone unanswered altogether. Before Olivia Pope there would be no reason (or good enough data) to justify Green Lighting a project like "Scandal". So now I want to keep it funky with you all, and drop this mad science like an atomic bomb! Humans being are just that- human beings. Success is success, sex is sex, and Love is Love.  If a Black woman is good enough to save the Presidents' ass, then she should be equally good enough to get some of that Presidential "Hot Sex on a Platter" Amen. Mistresses aren't always dumb girls, and dumb girls aren't always mistresses. Honestly, most of the dumb girls I've known have been wives. Hell, I was stupid enough to marry my ex-husband! On a more serious note, I just wanted to take out this time and say thank you to:

Shonda, Kerry, Tony, Bellamy, Columbus, Darby, Jeff, Katie, Joshua & Guillermo. Thanks for giving us something great to do with our Thursday nights for 3 Seasons; and thank you for helping to change the perception of my people in TV Land! Don't forget to watch and support this awesome TV show. "Scandal" Thursday nights at 10pm est on ABC. So, do you think Fitz really killed Liv's Mom or what?!    

12 Years a Slave.

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 (This link is for true movie fanatics! Crazy choices for having movie night at home! Enjoy!!!)

Friday I went on a date, it was fun, and extremely mind altering. The mind altering portion of the evening was all about the movie we went to see. My date and I were equally all geeked up to view this newly released film titled, "12 Years a Slave" directed by Steve McQueen/written by Solomon Northup & John Ridley/ produced by Brad Pitt (among others). With all the reviews being so flattering I knew I was going to love this film. About this time last year I was all turned out on D'Jango Unchained; which was a gratuitously profane as well as violent spaghetti western, that turned a fed up slave into a super hero/villain. With the footprints of D'Jango still etched deeply in my mind, I must admit its lighthearted nature truly left me vulnerable to be mind raped by "12 Years a Slave". Please do Not take what I am about to say next lightly at all. EVERY HUMAN BEING SHOULD GO AND WITNESS THIS FILM! I choose to use the word witness because that is exactly what you will be doing. You will become witness to a very common story from that time; and left to wonder how many more of these stories exist, that were purposefully omitted from the popular history of African-Americans as well as American history as a whole. What keeps blowing my mind is how Solomon Northup's true reality became a dream; while any humans greatest nightmare, became the reality he would never escape. Just take a second, grab a shovel, and dig deep into this thought; what it must be like to have an unwanted existence thrown upon you (out of the blue), and be expected to survive not existing- at all?! The character work in this film is tremendous! Each character jumps from the screen to your heart in seconds; whether you love them or hate them, and please believe me when I say it won't take you long to do either. Some of the characters you want to slap, and others you'll want to kill; then you have the ones you want to hug, the ones you wish you could save, and ultimately the ones you want to be. Some of the characters are so integral and multi layered you'll experience all of these feelings for them individually. Solomon Northup is one of those characters. Any film with character development this rich has no choice other than to become an instant cinematic treasure! Can you say, "Give me my Oscar B@*$#"!!!!

As I sat there next to my date in the dark theater, time traveling through my personal roots; it became very difficult to not drift in and out of being present with him. Scene for scene almost every story my father shared with me about his childhood in the South played simultaneously; as if the projector screen and my mind had been configured into a two screen digital home theater. For most of film I sat there with my father, who has been deceased for over 4 years to date; listening to his gripping tales of surviving Old Dixie, with my head resting peacefully on his shoulder. Stories about my uncle who had lived in the Okefenokee Swamp for over a decade; trying to escape unjust persecution for defending himself (as well as his family) in a manner that was more than justified. The story of my beloved Uncle Tiny who was 8 feet tall, and also a prisoner on one of the last standing chain gangs in Florida during the 1900's; most likely unjustly apprehended, tried, convicted, and jailed. The story of my amazing Aunt Verlee who bravely married a White man; at a time in American history when interracial marriage was still illegal in most states in the union. This brazen couple moved north, had 7 insanely awesome children, and became prominent land as well as business owners; making them strong community staples in Atlantic City, where my dear Aunt Verlee still lives to this day nearly 90 years of age. With me being born 77 years after my grandfather David Wright Sr. and 44 years after my father Norman L. Wright Sr. this film will never just be entertainment for me. Most people my age don't sit as closely to Black history as I do. For most the story of Solomon Northup is a social studies lesson, an African American studies mid term paper or an extra credit writing assignment; to make up for lack of class participation or something mundane like that. But for me, Solomon Northup is an after dinner family talk, a "How far we've come!" speech at the family reunion or even a bedtime story; to appropriately remind me of why I'm so blessed to be Me and Free. Solomon Northup is my father, my grandfather, or even one of my Uncles. So, my true point finally emerges. Solomon Northup, isn't just some story or an Oscar worthy film. He is the HISTORY I've embraced for as far back as I can remember; and as long as I live and breathe will never let go of, holding on as tight to it as I do the memories of my own existence.

Writing this Blog without giving away too many of the films intricate details is a lot harder than I thought it would be. There is so much I want to share with you, so many things I wish I could say! But, in doing this it would truly ruin your overall experience as a voyeur; so I can't tell you nothing DOG! Okay, let me take that back right quick and share this one moment that moved me deeply. Sharing this with you won't give any of the film away; but it may encourage you to buy a ticket as soon as you're finished reading this Blog. As it has been obviously displayed in the media, Solomon Northup was unjustly enslaved; though in all actually he was a free man. So here is the scene...Solomon reached a moment of acceptance in his relationship to becoming a slave. Something bad happened...and the slaves began to sing...as slaves normally did to cope with their pain. Up until this point Solomon would never fellowship as a slave; although he regarded them highly as his own people, engaging in slave salvation had been impossible up until this moment. As the slaves sang from a place where only this form of salvation becomes realized through the greatest of suffering, Solomon just listened respectfully. Then the epiphany happened, you could see it in his eyes, Solomon finally accepted it; and what he accepted was that he was now Platt, and Platt was a slave. To witness Chiwetel Ejiofor go from a Proud Free Man to a Grateful Slave in seconds, is one of the most profound achievements any actor can accomplish on film. What caught me up the most in this brilliant cinematic moment, was how I went along for the ride; and became a grateful slave singing for my salvation as well, even though I believed I was Free- when I sat down in that seat. Freedom is a state of mind, a perception, and a moral right. This film challenges us to believe as well as fight for all these things. Though concrete in its nature, Freedom can be fleeting in its affect. So, are you a Free Man/Woman or are you just a Grateful Slave? Go see and support this film! Trust and believe its more than just some movie.        

  

Black is Cool... Long as You're Not?!

A few years back, one of my mentors/colleagues (clairvoyant as always) said to me, "In the coming years in music it will be cool to be black as long as you're not black". Upon hearing that I instantly became slightly defensive; though in my heart of hearts it felt true. As the conversation continued, this unwanted pearl of wisdom began to haunt me. The idea of once again African Americans sourcing this ungrateful nation with the fruits of our legacy/culture/history thanklessly; which has also been a great source of commerce (for centuries now), brought about an ill feeling at the pit of my stomach. I began to imagine it- vividly! Us- from the trendsetting to the celebration of- Us; and yet not one of Us truly visible in the midst of it all. Fast Forward 6 years and here it all is! R&B's top 2 hits from Male vocalist this year- "Suit & Tie Justin Timberlake/ "Blurred Lines" Robin Thicke. Though both of these records were produced by Us (Timbaland&Pharell), it leaves me asking this question. Couldn't these awesome songs have been performed by one of Us? Now let's take a close look at our female African American artists. Our R&B females are struggling for awareness of their projects whether good or bad, the soul singers are barely visible at all; and the girls on top are all singing POP! Then, when you take into account moments like the VMA's broadcasting Miley Cyrus pulling a "Sambo" while "Twerking" to an obviously Marvin Gaye inspired track for the world to feast on...Hmm...need I say more?! Why do We always let Them have Us without truly earning or recognizing the power of Us? We are the water of the entertainment industry- the undeniable Source! A free gift that can provide sustenance with just one sip; and if it disappeared, life (in entertainment) could not continue for long in the wake of its absence. Yet, somehow the thirsty are profiting greatly off our gift; and We (The Source) are left parched on the wayside, praying for rain.  

Woke up this morning in need of amazing rainy day music; and preferably something new to my very seasoned and well educated ears. The winner was this awesome new Melbourne based soul collective cleverly named, "Hiatus Kaiyote". Produced by Salaam Remi and Graced by the presence of Q-Tip on their big single, "Nakamarra" its clear these Aussies are going to soar to incredible heights. With every minute I continued to listen it quickly became obvious why I loved what I was hearing. The sound is so reminiscent of my era in music! It's Neo Soul all day without question!! Then my big brain starting doing something very dangerous- I began thinking. If one of my peers or even myself tried to release a project like this today I can almost guarantee it would not receive the same warm welcome to the airwaves. Matter of fact my peer Glenn Lewis just released a beautiful album earlier this year; and regretfully most people who are currently falling in love with HK, don't even know that Glenn's album even exists. Pity. So, I'm sure I don't have to convey how disappointing it is when supporters ask where our music is; even when its right in their faces. It doesn't make me like HK any less. It just makes me miss Us even more than I already do. The past years, music has felt like a desert to me. A place where all I do is chase mirages; while praying for rain to justify the dance I've been doing, hoping to be able to say it wasn't all for naught. Imagine how frustrating it is to Not have direct access to the purpose you were born to fulfill. Meanwhile, from the sidelines your forced to watch this very purpose be sullied with mediocrity; vigilantly searching for a way to not become jaded, bitter, and cynical.

So, today I charge all my readers to take on a very worthy challenge. Listen to 3 albums in your spare time. One from your era, one from a previous era, and one from a current era. Listen to them all as if they have just been released; and then, share with a friend the experience of what you took away from this musical journey. The true challenge is to recommend only the album you know they haven't heard. If we are going to salvage our music community from the junk yard of Pop Culture, its going to require Us to get involved with our community again. We have to tap back into our Source again. It's the only way we'll preserve all we have fought to bring this far. Today I'm inviting everyone to comment on your feelings about this post. Share your perspective, frustrations, wants as well as hopes. This is a conversation worth having folks! So, let's have it! My recommendations for today are the New Glenn Lewis album featuring "Can't Say Love" and Hiatus Kaiyote  "Tawk Tomahawk". Enjoy your journeys...can't wait to hear all about them.

Dress Code!

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Clothes don't make the man/woman; but they can be the perfect armor when you're competing or fighting for something you really want or desire. If this wasn't True the fashion industry wouldn't still be a billion dollar industry, shopping malls would've gone bankrupt throughout this countrywide financial recession, and Canal Street in NYC would be the only place to grab up hot couture.When a man puts on that Ralph Lauren or Gucci 2 piece suit adorned with a sleek tie, bold pocket square, and shiny cuff links he transforms into a captain of industry; even if he only works in the mail room. All of a sudden he can hold a conversation with anyone! And, it's not because the clothing has magical powers! It's merely because he now believes in who HE is when he's wearing these beautiful clothes. Sometimes, this fashion ego boost can be a good thing; and other times it's nothing more than something I call "Fraud Armor". Now, when it comes to women this game changes up a bit. A beautiful woman in a $7 dress can smooth stroll into the hottest party; as long as she is wearing $350 shoes or carrying a $600 handbag. We women have been able to accessorize our way into jobs, vacations, and sometimes a marriage to a man with means. I guess that's why for some women shopping is a life or death matter; since their lives have been built on making good visual impressions. So, how funny is it that the merchandise chicks would die for is created by a particular class of people; who have the lives these women are thirsty for, because they Refused to Conform to the Norm.

Personally, I adore the creativity of fashion. It enables you to add to or lessen your persona by merely exchanging one article for another. I can go from school teacher to super heroin in the blink of an eye; just by ditching a pair of slacks and slipping on some American Apparel shiny tights. This comes in handy for entertainers especially. Imagine how broke we would really be if we had to buy a new outfit for every picture, event, meet and greet, or whatever! Of course you have to ball out for the big events like award shows (and what not); and that's why we hire people to think of (as well as execute) all these tedious little details, that honestly become so mundane they begin to feel like suicide. Though fashion and entertainment go hand in hand, every genre creates its own swag trends! From bubble gum pop fashion in the contemporary sect to high fashion drama on the worlds largest stages; every designer has their go to artist, to push the latest fruits of their vivid imaginations. That's why I love Rock n Roll! Less has always been more in this particular alternate reality of the music world. For some reason, African American entertainers still believe in buying our pride off the rack at Macy's. As if, it changes a damn on the billboard charts! You look great on the album cover, but the content sucked! Go Figure!!! I guess that's why I've always relied on my gift to dictate the way I dress; and not the other way around. How many times have you seen an artist look nothing like how their music sounds? It's also funny how that changes the way you hear the music as well.

Throughout the ages, fashion has always been the bookmark of humanity. Just by the style of dress you can easily recognize periods of time. Trends from high collars to high waistlines or A-line dresses and wide leg pants can tell you the year, age, or political stance of what was going on in the world. That's what makes fashion so amazing! You can be who or whatever you want to be; by merely setting into a get up and keep it moving. Lately I've been doing most of my shopping online; and I don't know if that's a good thing, but it's awfully convenient. At the top of this post I attached this really cool link. You can find all your favorite labels, purchase them at lightening speed, and do it all in your PJ's without ever leaving your front door. Now that's what I call shopping! The dating game has me seeking out what I want to look like in the coming months; and less we not forget, holidays are just around the corner. This is the time of year when social gatherings are at a surplus; and making that great lasting impression rises to the top of most of our priority lists. Be who you want, be whatever you want; and most importantly be fearless about it! Remember this- You are absolutely perfect as you are! But, damn ain't it fun dressing it all up! So, what look is turning you on right now?